This is too funny!

Ok, this is going to be difficult to explain to those of you outside the Zion Curtain and since I'm emailing this in, I can't get the formatting just right to clarify. But read this story and then I'll comment underneath the link.

PROVO, Utah (AP) -- The owner of a grocery chain said his 9-year-old daughter persuaded him to stop selling alcoholic beverages and cigarettes at one of his 11 stores.

"She asked me why I was selling drugs at my store," Paul Ream said of daughter Shyanne. "That's when I decided to remove the alcohol and tobacco because I felt we are out of alignment with the values of the community."

The store has problems with beer. Shoppers have placed beer bottles in root-beer cartons to fool clerks at the cash register. "Beer is one of the most shoplifted items in our grocery store, next to pregnancy kits and batteries," grocery manager Tim Norris said. The store began asking everyone buying root beer to show identification. Beer and alcohol account for less than 1 percent of monthly sales.

"We make about $1,500 a month from beer and alcohol. But our sister store in Springville does about $1,000 in beer sales on a Sunday alone," Ream said.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=1843160

First of all, note the location of the store and this story- Provo, Utah. Proud home of Brigham Young University, ground zero breeding ground of proud Mormon missionaries and young women striving to become a Mrs. of a returned missionary after he completes his mandatory obligation to the church's global outreach program. Provo is a white bread town, spilling over with squeaky-clean college students sworn to celibacy, temperance and an obligation to report fellow student"s misbehavior to the authorities. Those folks in Provo that aren't BYU students are former BYU students who stayed and began propagating offspring close to their alma mater. Got that?

So how funny is it that the two biggest shoplifting items from this store are beer that's forbidden and home, (or dorm) pregnancy kits?

Shoppers have switched beer bottles for root beer bottles in root beer cartons? Hah! Root beer is a very popular Mormon approved soft drink, so smuggling out some real beer in a church approved carton is easy to imagine.

And what a concerned daddy Paul Ream appears to be, doesn't he? His little girl asks him to remove the "drugs" from his store and so he complies. He takes out two high maintenance items that total less than 1% of his sales... Awww. That action's just the simplest business decision ever! Consider, he has to keep expensive to operate and maintain coolers to keep that forbidden beer cool and he has to secure the tobacco products and pay staff to leave their regular tasks to unlock, select the right box or carton of smokes, return to the checkout stand and verify the age of the purchaser. Those are all steps that slow down the checkout process for everybody in line.

I"m no business major but if somebody asked me to decide what to take out of my store to improve my cost/sales ratio, those 1% items that take up an inordinate amount of space, electricity and employee time would be first to go! I wonder how readily Daddy would comply with little Shyanne's request if his beer and tobacco sales were 10% or 20% of his sales? What will he do when his dear little girl turns 14 and decides that meat is bad and wants that part off the store redesigned as a vegan lunch counter? How about it Paul? Will you take out the fresh, chilled and frozen meat departments when your little girl goes meatless?

Finally, what about that dumbass name, Shyanne? Isn't that a perfect example of the mindset of the liberal Provo mom? Its obvious that whoever named that girl, as a baby, liked the name Cheyenne, which as we all know is the name of a native american indian tribe. But mom didn't want her little girl saddled with any connection to something she doesn't know anything about and didn't have a connection to, so she kept the name and made up a spelling to make her unique. Mostly Cajun would love it!